"Bob" quotes

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See also Slogans

These are quotes by and about J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, founder of the Church of the SubGenius (1953).

Quotes by "Bob"

• Make them pay as much as they think they can afford. (1953)[1]
• You'd PAY to know what you REALLY think. (1961)[2]
• The dicks you can't see are always longer. (1957, in his cups in a bar after discovering his wife Connie had been having an affair.)[3]
• I'm going to ask you to exercise glands you never knew existed. (ibid)
• Any time you can tape record a fart, you should.* (1991(!) memo) (ibid)

(But don't leave it by phone on a friend's answering machine, because you won't want your face near your mouthpiece again for the rest of the day.)

• WHO DIED AND MADE YOU GOD? (ibid)
• Eternal Salvation — Or TRIPLE your money back![4]
• I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I'm preaching to! The Book of the SubGenius"[5]
• There IS no God — but if you're any kind of real American, you'll demand that He treat you as an EQUAL. (Revelation X: The "Bob" Apocryphon, said to a child in 1956 at the dedication of the first Home for Slackless Children)
• If it were not for the Discordians, I never would have set the Church loose on the world -- for I know that they will always be around to DESTROY IT if it gets OUT OF HAND.[6]

Quotes about "Bob"

• As he knows, "Bob" is merely an enema for a constipated society.
  • Mark Mothersbaugh at Subcon 1981 or 1982, 7:09 [7]
• Moses parted the Red Sea, Oppenheimer split the atom, but "Bob" cut the crap.
  • Steve Antczak [8]
• I think, therefore I'm going to have breakfast.
  • Charles Fort ("Bob's" third cousin) (ibid)
• The love of "Bob" can kill normals.
  • Rev. Ivan Stang, "The Rant of Ivan Stang Nov. 9, 1985" 3.46 [9]
• See "Bob"'s pretty slick. He's like the opposite of neutral.
  • Dr. Agon Fly at 2005 teX-DAY Survival Drill and Devival, 1.24 [10]
• Moses parted the Red Sea, Oppenheimer split the atom, but "Bob" cut the crap.
  • Steve Antczak
• I don't care! As "Bob" as my witness, I'm never gonna use that potty again!
  • Chuckie in "Chuckie vs. The Potty", episode of RugRats
• A baby is a gift, a gift from a "Bob."
  • ("A Baby is a Gift From a Bob" is a song from The Rugrats Movie. It is sung by Susie and Angelica.)

Dialogue

Sivet Stang (age 4): You, you have to love "Bob". He loves you, but you love "Bob", you have to.

Rev. Ivan Stang: Or else what happens if you don't love "Bob"?

Sivet: He'll kill you. He'll "Bob" you out.

Ivan: He'll "Bob" you out, folks; you heard it here first; if you don't love "Bob", he'll "Bob" you out.

Sivet Stang (as interviewed by Rev Ivan Stang) On the Dangers of 'Bob'. [11]