"Bob" quotes

Quotes by "Bob"

• The dicks you can't see are always longer. (1957, in his cups in a bar after discovering his wife Connie had been having an affair.)[1]
• I'm going to ask you to exercise glands you never knew existed. (ibid)
• Any time you can tape record a fart, you should.* (1991(!) memo) (ibid)

(But don't leave it by phone on a friend's answering machine, because you won't want your face near your mouthpiece again for the rest of the day.)

• WHO DIED AND MADE YOU GOD? (ibid)
• I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I'm preaching to!
• There IS no God — but if you're any kind of real American, you'll demand that He treat you as an EQUAL. (Revelation X: The "Bob" Apocryphon, said to a child in 1956 at the dedication of the first Home for Slackless Children)

Quotes about "Bob"

• As he knows, "Bob" is merely an enema for a constipated society.
  • Mark Mothersbaugh at Subcon 1981 or 1982, 7:09 [2]
• Moses parted the Red Sea, Oppenheimer split the atom, but "Bob" cut the crap.
  • Steve Antczak [3]
• I think, therefore I'm going to have breakfast.
  • Charles Fort ("Bob's" third cousin) (ibid)

Dialogue

Sivet Stang (age 4): You, you have to love "Bob". He loves you, but you love "Bob", you have to.

Rev. Ivan Stang: Or else what happens if you don't love "Bob"?

Sivet: He'll kill you. He'll "Bob" you out.

Ivan: He'll "Bob" you out, folks; you heard it here first; if you don't love "Bob", he'll "Bob" you out.

Sivet Stang (as interviewed by Rev Ivan Stang) On the Dangers of 'Bob'. [4]