See also Slogans
These are quotes by and about J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, founder of the Church of the SubGenius (1953).
Quotes by "Bob"
- Make them pay as much as they think they can afford. (1953)[1]
- You'd PAY to know what you REALLY think. (1961)[2]
- The dicks you can't see are always longer. (1957, in his cups in a bar after discovering his wife Connie had been having an affair.)[3]
- I'm going to ask you to exercise glands you never knew existed. (ibid)
- Any time you can tape record a fart, you should.* (1991(!) memo) (ibid)
- (But don't leave it by phone on a friend's answering machine, because you won't want your face near your mouthpiece again for the rest of the day.)
- WHO DIED AND MADE YOU GOD? (ibid)
- Eternal Salvation — Or TRIPLE your money back![4]
- I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I'm preaching to! The Book of the SubGenius"[5]
- There IS no God — but if you're any kind of real American, you'll demand that He treat you as an EQUAL. (Revelation X: The "Bob" Apocryphon, said to a child in 1956 at the dedication of the first Home for Slackless Children)
- If it were not for the Discordians, I never would have set the Church loose on the world -- for I know that they will always be around to DESTROY IT if it gets OUT OF HAND.[6]
Quotes about "Bob"
- As he knows, "Bob" is merely an enema for a constipated society.
- Mark Mothersbaugh at Subcon 1981 or 1982, 7:09 [7]
- Moses parted the Red Sea, Oppenheimer split the atom, but "Bob" cut the crap.
- Steve Antczak [8]
- I think, therefore I'm going to have breakfast.
- Charles Fort ("Bob's" third cousin) (ibid)
- The love of "Bob" can kill normals.
- Rev. Ivan Stang, "The Rant of Ivan Stang Nov. 9, 1985" 3.46 [9]
- See "Bob"'s pretty slick. He's like the opposite of neutral.
- Dr. Agon Fly at 2005 teX-DAY Survival Drill and Devival, 1.24 [10]
- Moses parted the Red Sea, Oppenheimer split the atom, but "Bob" cut the crap.
Dialogue
- Sivet Stang (age 4): You, you have to love "Bob". He loves you, but you love "Bob", you have to.
- Rev. Ivan Stang: Or else what happens if you don't love "Bob"?
- Sivet: He'll kill you. He'll "Bob" you out.
- Ivan: He'll "Bob" you out, folks; you heard it here first; if you don't love "Bob", he'll "Bob" you out.
- Sivet Stang (as interviewed by Rev Ivan Stang) On the Dangers of 'Bob'. [11]