Quotes by "Bob"
- The dicks you can't see are always longer. (1957, in his cups in a bar after discovering his wife Connie had been having an affair.)[1]
- I'm going to ask you to exercise glands you never knew existed. (ibid)
- Any time you can tape record a fart, you should.* (1991(!) memo) (ibid)
- (But don't leave it by phone on a friend's answering machine, because you won't want your face near your mouthpiece again for the rest of the day.)
- WHO DIED AND MADE YOU GOD? (ibid)
- I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I'm preaching to!
- There IS no God — but if you're any kind of real American, you'll demand that He treat you as an EQUAL. (Revelation X: The "Bob" Apocryphon, said to a child in 1956 at the dedication of the first Home for Slackless Children)
Quotes about "Bob"
- As he knows, "Bob" is merely an enema for a constipated society.
- Mark Mothersbaugh at Subcon 1981 or 1982, 7:09 [2]
- Moses parted the Red Sea, Oppenheimer split the atom, but "Bob" cut the crap.
- I think, therefore I'm going to have breakfast.
- Charles Fort ("Bob's" third cousin) (ibid)
- The love of "Bob" can kill normals.
- Rev. Ivan Stang, "The Rant of Ivan Stang Nov. 9, 1985" 3.46 [4]
- See "Bob"'s pretty slick. He's like the opposite of neutral.
- Dr. Agon Fly at 2005 teX-DAY Survival Drill and Devival, 1.24 [5]
Dialogue
- Sivet Stang (age 4): You, you have to love "Bob". He loves you, but you love "Bob", you have to.
- Rev. Ivan Stang: Or else what happens if you don't love "Bob"?
- Sivet: He'll kill you. He'll "Bob" you out.
- Ivan: He'll "Bob" you out, folks; you heard it here first; if you don't love "Bob", he'll "Bob" you out.
- Sivet Stang (as interviewed by Rev Ivan Stang) On the Dangers of 'Bob'. [6]