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Bonita "Bonnie" Dobbs in 2018

Bonita "Bonnie" Dobbs, better known as Bonnie Dobbs, is the great-granddaughter of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs and Connie Dobbs. She is known for her work as a painter, children's story writer, and as Deputy Secretary of Education.

Early life[]

Bonnie was born on February 23, 2003 in Springfield, Texas, to J.R. "Fiver" Dobbs V and Katelyn "Kat" Davis. Her father was the grandson of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs and her mother was the granddaughter of Connie Dobbs. Kat was a drapery designer and entertainer at the Springfield Kallisti Kitten Klub, and Fiver made a living selling his used underwear. Her older brother was Bubba, who later became a professional neckbeard grower.

Her parents married in June of 2002, but not to each other. Her father married Lola Luftnagle, better known by her stage name of Alexis Texas, and Kat married Oliver Oken, better known as O O. Tragically, Bonnie's mother died while putting up draperies when she was four years old. At the time, Bonnie was two. Her mother's husband and father's wife were unwilling, and her father unable, to care for her, so Bonnie was sent to live at the Home for Slackless Children in Mad Dog, Texas.

As a girl, she loved finger painting. Unfortunately, she got into trouble because she did not ask permission before she painted people's fingers. Told not to paint fingers without permission, she started painting other body parts without asking permission.


In her second year in the Home for Slackless Children, Bonnie became enamored with one of the home's security guards named Sgt. Hans Schultz.[1] After knowing each other for only three months, she ran away from home and school and he quit his job, and they were married in Malibu, California. While he soon gained employment as a salesman, their marriage, marked by his frequent absences and brushes with the law, was short-lived. He often got in legal trouble for selling brushes without a license. Their marriage was later declared invalid as their marriage license was signed by Tony the Tiger.[2]

Instead of returning to the orphanage, she returned to live with her late mother. She loved living at Avernus Cemetery.[3] She had a great number of resident playmates, none of whom ever refused to play with her. And they did not object to her painting their body parts.

Unfortunately, she was discovered living in a mausoleum by a security guard. A former member of the U.S. Navy, he was named Jonas Grumby.[4] After knowing each other for only three weeks, she ran away from home and school and he quit his job; they were married in Malibu, California. While he soon became self-employed as the skipper of a small touring boat, he disappeared at sea when the Minnow was lost. After three years, he was declared legally dead.

At his funeral, she met a grandson of "Bob" and "Connie" Dobbs named Claude Dobbs who was on the run from the law. After serving five years in prison, he had escaped to join his family, and they had moved in Janustown, Texas, where they lived under their wagon. The morning of the funeral, they were discovered by a security guard. From under the wagon, Claude cut off two of the guard's toes, then shot him dead.

Bonnie became enamored with Claude. After knowing each other for only three days, she ran away from home and school and he quit his wagon; they were married in Malibu, California. With the money she gained from her second husband's life insurance, the couple and Claude's family bought and moved into a tent. It was a significant improvement for the family.

After Claude was named a suspect in the killing of Sgt. Schultz, the couple fled and began a crime spree. They allegedly robbed 23 banks and killed five security guards. The couple and their famed shooting and bank robbing was immortalized in a book named We Rob Banks that was adopted into a movie named Bonnie and Claude.

After avoiding capture by several federal agents including the FBI, Claude was finally captured taking a Pez dispenser by an alert Walmart security guard. He was charged with a Class C Misdemeanor, and fined $50.

During the trial, it was learned that Bonnie and Claude's marriage certificate was invalid as it was signed by Tigger[5] and Winnie the Pooh[6], so their marriage was annulled. During the trial, Bonnie became enamored with the security guard who had arrested Claude. Named Peter Griffin[7], he was also the lead singer of a garage death metal band named Dead Baby Rapists for Jesus[8]. After knowing each other for only three hours, she ran away from home and school and he quit his job; they were married in Malibu, California. They were divorced three days later.


Bonnie returned to her childhood home, the Kallisti Kitten Klub in Springfield. There she made a living painting employees and clients' body parts. She and the other employees offered their services for free to anyone who was president-elect of the United States.

Following the election of Donald Trump as United States president, Bonnie Dobbs was named United States Deputy Secretary of Education, Division of Sex Education. To bring American education to President Trump's level, she started writing children's stories about bottom burps. She currently lives in Dobbstown, Malaysia, but commutes daily to her job in Washington D.C. There she rates bottom burps paints body parts without asking permission.


*Bonnie Dobbs user page

*Connie Dobbs website