Daniel Falkenbach. (Authentic photo shot on Planet X which is a studio in North Hollywood.)
Daniel Falkenbach is a SubGenius-Discordian Conspiracy Theorist (SuDiCoTheo).
Personal life[]
Daniel was born in Buffalo, New York. That's the home of the “great replacement” conspiracy theory. He was allegedly born to his mother and father, but that could be nothing more than a conspiracy theory. He may actually be a clone of a Flat Earth SubGenius.
Daniel is not married. But his wife doesn't know that.
He lived in the United States in New York, and in Texas, and then later moved to the nation of New Mexico.
Education[]
As "Danny," he learned about both the Church of the SubGenius and Discordianism through Shamlicht Kids Club. Then his family moved to Glen Rosecea, Texas, where he attended Glen Roseola Hentai School.
He also studied slack as an acolyte through the local Church of the SubGenius.
He later attended and earned a degree the Esalen Institute, a leading center for exploring human potential. Still later he became an Earthship Academy Graduate at Earthship Biotecture.
He then moved to Taos, New Mexico. "Taos" is just one letter away from "Kaos." And New Mexico is an independent nation located sound of the New World and north of Mexico, which is where it gets its name.
Professions[]
Anti-Science Conspiracies
While attending college, he worked as a used book dealer at New York International Antiquarian Book Fair. He largely sold books bought at the BookStore of the SubGenius of the city of Austin in the independent nation of Texas. After doing that for five year, he discovered it was not economically viable to buy new books, then wear them out so they could be sold as used books. He realized that him being a used book dealer didn't mean he was a dealer of used books, but that he was a book dealer being used.
He discovered the American Bookshillers Association was composed of shills. They were convincing booksellers across the nation to buy new books, wear them out, then sell them used. So the ABA could get rich. They then invested the money in political campaigns to make them even richer.
Falkenbach spread the word of his new used conspiracy theory. That he exposed as a political speaker at Main Stream Antagonist.
One day while flying to speak in Sydney, Australia, he noticed the plane he was riding in wasn't going down in a curve, but was flying in a flat circle. But he couldn't verify it.
So he bribed the stewardess with a copy of The Holy Boble, Principia Discordia, and the Book of the SubGenius--all used. This got him into the plane's cockpit. From there he could see the plane had never actually left the ground. It was taxiing on the runway. The above the ground view the passengers thought they saw through their windows was actually scenes from the movie Arise!
He tried spreading the message by becoming an authentic speaker at Social Entrepreneur. But people didn't believe his message, instead thinking he was a stand-up Buffalonian comedian. So he left public speaking to become a geophysicist at Ethereal Exposition and a journalist for NASA Earth.
Honors and Dishonors[]
He was honored by being named a Reverend and Pope at The Church of the SubGenius.
He was DIShonored by being named a Saint Second Class at DIScordianism.
Quotes[]
Lone Earth SubGenius at the online X-Day 23
'MUST READ FOR ALL LOCAL BUFFALONIAN COMEDIANS
'After being harassed by a guy that doesn't know the difference between "round" and "sphere" I challenged a local Buffalonian globe earth comedian to a live debate where the audience can decide the winner, I told him to 'bring all your regulars and friends and family because you're going to need them against me.' I could tag him but I don't want to embarrass him further and he also has no right to speak to me ever again.
'He told me the "earth is round", I said "I know it's round, it's flat as well. It has been proven to be flat. You're a globe earth comedian, know your role and shut your mouth. Unless you wanna have a live debate on stage here in buffalo...globe earth comedian vs flat earth comedian...or you gonna keep holding on to your precious space balls?"
'He folded up and walked away with his tail between his legs. He refuses to 'give me attention' but keeps commenting on my posts so I'll create more 'attention' and CHALLENGE ALL BUFFALO GLOBE EARTH COMEDIANS to a science/joke off!
'How pathetic is it that comics have a reputation for being more honest than other other public figures, and yet they just end up being another castrated establishment stooge?
'Comics have lowered the bar of public discourse by regularly embracing anti-intellectual styles, it's like they are afraid to appear smart...I don't however...
I' understand though, globe earth comedians need that measly round earth shill money too, hoping to get promoted by Miller lite or some other sell your soul shit.
'As it stands you cant prove your ball world with jokes or science, you believe on faith only as I said.
'I don't expect ANYONE to respond though, because you're all HORRIBLE GLOBE EARTH COMEDIANS with ZERO empirical evidence of the earth being an oblate peariod that spins and wobbles, lol.'
::drops mic:: (and it falls because the Laws of Density) (13 May 2019)