Elwood P. Dobbs portrait painted for his installment as Pastor Prelate of Our Lady of the Golden Hemorrhoid (portrait by John N. Eagle)
Elwood P. Dobbs mugshot from United States Penitentiary, Alcatraz Island, November of 1969 (mugshot taken while on Frop).
Church of the SubGenius membership card of Dr. Elwood P. Dobbs.
Dr. Elwood P. Dobbs is pastor prelate of Our Lady of the Golden Hemorrhoid of Elwood, Malaysia.
Career[]
After receiving his Doctor of Divinity honoris causa from Illuminati University, he became a lecturer and later assistant professor there.
He then served as an assistant pastor for the Branch Dobbsians, an offshoot of the Seventh Day Bobtists. He left that position for unknown reasons at the end of February, 1993.
In 1997, he completed the prophetic book Revelation: 1998 that predicted the end of the world in 1998. Unfortunately, the book was not published until 1999. It did not sell well.
Disappointed, he served successfully as a two-year volunteer in the Piece Corpse. He returned home to Washington, D.C. to begin serving as Chaplain of the United States House of Representatives on September 11, 2001. He wrote in The Autobiography of Elwood P. Dobbs that he had been assigned to the position to replace the then current chaplain who was retiring on that date. However, his flight did not arrive as scheduled, and the House Chaplain did not retire until 10 years later.
He became pastor of Our Lady of the Grey Horse in Hallandale Beach, Florida, serving there until August 25, 2005, the date of the birth of his daughter Katrina.
He then became chaplain in Florida at Tynfoil Air Force Base. He served there until October 18, 2018, the date of the birth of his son Michael.
From then until January 31, 2020, he was assigned as pastor of Our Lady of the Genitive Union in Gibraltar. However, the church sent him on an overseas mission in December 2019.
He was dropped off in the middle of nowhere, Malaysia, on 21 December 2019. He has been assigned to become prelate in the Holy City of Shathead. But he learned he couldn't find it on the Malaysia map they gave him. So instead, he began as pastor prelate of Our Lady of the Golden Hemorrhoid in the new city of Elwood, Malaysia, on February 2, 2020 at 02:02:02 UTC. (02 02 2020 at 02:02:02 UTC).
Personal life[]
According to The Autobiography of Elwood P. Dobbs*, he was:
- Born on a mountain top in Tennessee,
- Greenest state in the land of the free.
- Raised in the woods so's he knew every tree,
- Killed him a bear when he was only three.
*(Any similarity between this account and that given by Thomas W. Blackburn and George Bruns in "The Ballad of Davy Crockett" is purely coincidental.)
According to his autobiography, Elwood was born and raised in the Appalachian village of Cutter Gap, Tennessee. His mother was said to be Leonora Mae Dobbs. His father is uncertain, but suspected of being either the area's physician or minister or one of several dozen other residents.
However, conflicting accounts claim he was born on November 18, 1978 in northwestern Guyana; October 9, 1967 or April 3, 1994 in Tennessee; December 19, 1971 or September 14, 1972 on a mountain in Virginia; July 30, 1975 in Taiwan; April 2, 1978, in Dallas, Texas; or at some other place or date.
According to his autobiography, he applied and was accepted to Illuminati University. He began his studies there in the Department of Recreational Biochemistry, but quickly switched to focusing on the Department of Melodrama and the Department of Disinformation. He eventually was named a Doctor of Divinity honoris causa. According to outside reports, this was apparently without passing a single theology course.
Children[]
- Bangladeshi (daughter born 29 April 1991)
- Andrew (son born 23 August 1992)
- Dennis (son born 6 July 2005)
- Katrina (daughter born 25 August 2005)
- Nargis (daughter born 2 May 2008)
- Michael (son born 18 October 2018)
- Yuta (daughter born 24 October 2018)
- Goni (son born 1 November 2020)
Other relatives[]
Elwood P. Dobbs is believed to be a descendant of Elwood Dobbs, a lumber buyer based in Westham, Virginia. His relationship to J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, salesman; Elwood Blues, musician; Elwood P. Dowd, animal companion; and El Wood, tree, are unknown.