Eternal salvation or triple your money back
The Church of the SubGenius promises new cult members eternal salvation or triple your money back in one of its most common slogans. It is obviously a scam; you shouldn't trust a cult that makes such wild claims.
Two, count 'em TWO paradises for $30 . . . one while you're alive, lasting as long as you want, and one when you decide to die! No other religion offers a better deal.
According to SubGenius lore, "Bob" will be waiting for anyone who finds themselves in Hell to present them triple their ordainment money back. He will also be offering his underworld best-seller "Hell on 5 cents - for all eternity!", at the low-low price of a nickel less than your refund.
Here's a video of the now-excommunicated Pope Black ranting at the 2007 GFY Devival in New York City. He gets Lon Milo Duquette to pay $30 (the going rate for ordainment at the time) for eternal salvation or triple his money back, and you can see in real time the recruitment of a new member to this SubGenius cult:
Offer good through July 4, 1998 some restrictions apply. Valid where prohibited by law. Close cover before striking. Please recycle. Slightly higher in Canada.
