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[[J. R. "Bob" Dobbs]] supplied the [[SubGenii]] with Five '''Keys to Magick''' and [[Rev. Ivan Stang]] has included them in rants for decades. The Keys (and some corresponding quotes from sermons) are below:
 
[[J. R. "Bob" Dobbs]] supplied the [[SubGenii]] with Five '''Keys to Magick''' and [[Rev. Ivan Stang]] has included them in rants for decades. The Keys (and some corresponding quotes from sermons) are below:
   
#GET OFF YOUR ASS.<blockquote>"If you want a girlfriend.... TALK TO A GIRL. If you want a new job -- TALK TO OTHER COMPANIES. If you want to machine gun a stadium -- GETTING OFF YOUR ASS. The first step."</blockquote>
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#GET OFF YOUR ASS. <blockquote>"If you want a girlfriend.... TALK TO A GIRL. If you want a new job -- TALK TO OTHER COMPANIES. If you want to machine gun a stadium -- GETTING OFF YOUR ASS. The first step."</blockquote>
 
#BUST YOUR ASS.
 
#BUST YOUR ASS.
#GET OTHERS TO BUST THEIR ASS FOR YOU.<blockquote>"This we might call ASSHOLINESS."</blockquote>
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#GET OTHERS TO BUST THEIR ASS FOR YOU. <blockquote>"This we might call ASSHOLINESS."</blockquote>
#WATCH YOUR ASS.<blockquote>"If you do all these, you won't have to worry about somebody trying to KICK YOUR ASS. (For a lesson in ass-kicking see Dr. Legume; for ass-kissing see me.)"</blockquote>
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#WATCH YOUR ASS. <blockquote>"If you do all these, you won't have to worry about somebody trying to KICK YOUR ASS. (For a lesson in ass-kicking see Dr. Legume; for ass-kissing see me.)"</blockquote>
#WASH YOUR ASS.<blockquote>"Yes, WASH your ass. Should be #1. Some of you boys feel you're gonna need MAGICK to GET LAID. Well, Personal hygeine can go a LONG WAY. That, and a SubGenius [[ShorDurMar|SHORDURMAR]]!!"</blockquote>
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#WASH YOUR ASS. <blockquote>"Yes, WASH your ass. Should be #1. Some of you boys feel you're gonna need MAGICK to GET LAID. Well, Personal hygeine can go a LONG WAY. That, and a SubGenius SHORDURMAR!!"</blockquote>
 
[[Category:Sacred Concepts]]
 
[[Category:Sacred Concepts]]
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